Self care Vector image

Love/Hate: Self Care

 

How do you do self-care? Have you ever given it much thought or priority? Is self-care even on your list of things ‘to do’?

I’d be a hypocrite if I said I was an ace at this stuff.

This week I’ve been reflecting on self-care because it’s had to be my main focus. I came down with the flu and it knocked me on my ass so, really I’ve been held hostage by my body in a very physical way. (As opposed to the usual anxiety I spear tackle on a daily basis.)

The week leading up to the onslaught of gross, I had two kids home from school with goobers. The week before it was the other one home for the whole week as well. That’s two weeks of full sickie-faces. That’s two weeks at home with sick, whining, snotty, tv-binge watching, snuggling, sad-sack little people. With little opportunity made by me to leave the house and have my own adult time. To have an adult conversation with someone else, not my husband. To just breathe away from the point of frustration (and love.)

I noticed a few things during this time:

Knowingly not taking the time for self-care makes it a miserable place to be if I am literally left pick up house-duties all the time. In the last month, I made a decision to leave employment to focus on family & business & me. Trying to negotiate and balance these three priorities has been just that: trying. Being back at home has made me happy, and confused but that’s a blog of a different colour. 

It’s easy to focus on what’s not getting done when the household seems like a place where only I am are moving to get things done. It’s easy to pass the blame and get angry about the nuances of managing a routine and to become overwhelmed with the task at hand. 

and then: 

When I get knocked for six and have to also completely stop, the realisation of my own wasted time seeps in. So I hope that I’ll do better at not taking for granted what I have the ability to achieve when I’m not under the weather. 

Being in the station of ‘sit still’ is not a good place for me but I have learned to surrender to it. It’s hard to give in and watch other areas of my life pile up- like literally the dishes in my kitchen or hell laundry- because my entire house is flu-ridden. However, the benefit is that the downtime is usually minimal. Whereas past me would have fought so hard I’d be sick for weeks and sometimes longer.

One of my biggest achievements in self-care this year has been a work in progress and relapse for years…. In March I quit smoking! Huzzah! So maybe that is helping the recovery process of this bout of the sick even just a bit (probably a lot).

I don’t think we should be leaving self-care to when our bodies force us to make it a priority. Something I am extremely guilty of. Self-care ought to be autonomous and guilt-free.

 

Things I wish my doctor had told me about anxiety.

Renaissance-hoe

  1. Memory loss is a bitch. Say goodbye to passwords, PIN numbers, names, plotlines of your favorite books and movies, appointments and dates. You had better write that shit down otherwise you’re going to be standing on a street corner in Prahran crying because you don’t know how to get home and can’t remember your PIN number to get into your phone. You’re going to lose wallets, handbags, clothes and really important shit, so have backups for everything.
  2. Sometimes everything will set it off, sometimes nothing will. It’s like that surprise you never wanted and there is no point spending months trying to avoid situations that ‘might’ set it off because SURPRISE you’ll just start having palpitations on your couch watching Netflix instead.
  3. Medication is also a bitch, and doctors hate prescribing benzo’s. You’ll have to go on anti-depressants which SURPRISE makes your anxiety worse and triggers your old eating…

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Body Suits On curves

Princess Boudoir

In April, a Friend & Model I work with got together to muck around with a Princess Boudoir Themed Session! We cleared out my room and used the afternoon sun then got to work! Enjoy!

Projection

This time last week I was mulling in silence and preparing myself for a journey that I had underestimated in benefit. These benefits now seem like a rolling awareness with new insights finding me, every damn day. It seems so, anyhow.

Parts of my body still ache from the hike in the bush. My feet still feel tender and blistered, and my body is exhausted enough that I am sleeping better than I have done in Months. 

Key points that have stood out to me this week has been my love/hate relationship with money. I’ve been trying to pin down where my fear around money comes from and what propels it. Keeping locked away in this stressful state as I claw through my days dreading to know how to survive with it.

Then the nail got smacked on the head with an almighty clunk: PROJECTION!

Yes, there I said it.

The realisation for me is and this is now the story I am choosing;

I am not afraid of money, but I feel the fear that other people have for issues surrounding money, which triggers me into believing that I too should be afraid. 

Here are some of the things that I am constantly now aware of hearing from other people that I choose to look at with my new hearing ears;

How are you going to pay for that?

Don’t you want more?

I know how much you need the money right now.

If you want money you need to work harder. 

I don’t have any money.

I’m really struggling right now, times are tough. 

….stretched so thin. 

Well, yes. These are a few of the golden lines that I have noticed in the language of people around me. Without realising I had become to have such an unhealthy attitude towards money, therefore was unable to value what the positive aspects of having money can be.

When my perception shifted and I realised how this projection of other people’s fear was affecting me, now I fully view money as a tool to help create abundance and gratitude.

The extension of what this has meant for me this week in terms of perception and realisations is something I think that will take some extra time to mull over.

If my fears around money are influenced so strongly by other people projection their fear, what other fears do I have that are also a result of other people.

My body?

The way I look?

Self-acceptance?

Self-love?

 

 

 

Sisterhood on the Bibbulmun Track

So I took off on an Adventure on Friday 31st of March, leaving behind a shitstorm of stress, uncertainty, and crap. Yes, March wholeheartedly was unintentionally loaded like most of 2016 was. While March did deliver some great days, great moments the reality is it was a tough slog to absorb and I was glad to be getting far away from it.

A few months ago I’d been contacted about going on a retreat where I’d be taking photo’s throughout the event and doing a mini- photoshoot group session for the group of ladies who attended. After attending Nerida Mills retreat last year, there is no way I’d pass it up! Though, once again I had no idea what I’d be getting myself into, in the best way possible.

I’ve been doing retreats now for a little over a year and one of the things that attracted me to this one was that it presented with a physical challenge that I have been aching to dive into! Hiking!!! The Wyld Women Nature Walk Retreat offers women the opportunity to get away from the hustle and bustle and take part in walking some of the beautiful Bibbulmun Track here in Western Australia. Yes, all my boxes were ticked!

One thing I have noticed in the year I’ve been going to retreats is that a very organic occurrence of sisterhood emerges out of these experiences. Whereas before, I was Prudent about my interactions with women and spending time with them was something I did not seek out, as I do now. There’s something incredibly magnetic for me, in finding this happy place where total strangers gather and can share and support one another in the most beautiful ways.

It’s a new thing for me and something I am grateful for.

We walked a total of 20km on Saturday, weaving, climbing and dragging ourselves through the thick Dwellingup landscape. It was stunning, sensational and simply exactly what I needed. On our journey we shared our stories, got to know eachother and enjoyed what the land hand to offer. Through this, friendships were formed and bonds were made and at the end we were exhaustedily happy. Our trek gave us space to connect with eachother, nature and ourselves. For this I am entirely addicted! I want more!

I’m hungry for more connection! I’m invigorated to seek out more sisterhood and connection. I absolutely can not wait to explore the truths that I have come to realise about what I want, who I am and how to implement some of the lessons I came to learn over the weekend.

There were moments of self-realisation, raw emotion as well as strength and the balance of vulnerability. Tapping into the things that triggered a whole range emotions and being apart of or being privy to other people going through that emotional rollercoater is powerful.

Women creating safe spaces is vital to sisterhood and what I continue to learn for myself is that women are vital to me. Knowing women is crucial to me being more of my innate self. I don’t think there is anything quite like the love and support we can give and receive when we’re open to it. After this weekend, I’m more convinced than ever!!!