Today I was asked by a dear friend to help with a writing assignment she’d been given as punishment for a behavioural infraction involving the misuse of her mouth and attitude. So I was keen to lend her some cheeky prompts and opinions to which she masterfully wrote out her own thoughts on the matter.
You will see below my helpful suggestions are in italics and hers are bold.
Cheeky Vs Sincere
A perfect collaboration by Dez and Christina x
Back chatting is a known controversial subject within BDSM dynamics pertaining to the level of expectations and standards. There are reasons that boundaries are put in place between a D-type and s-type that follow a line of agreement between both parties. When these boundaries are overstepped it requires closer inspection on how to prevent future re-occurrences.
Reasons not to back chat
: It disrupts D- types from their train of thought as they have to adjust to the bruising of the ego.
In the BDSM scene, safety is one of the most important things to remember. We have several acronyms and information resources set in place to ensure that everyone is playing safely and that people are being respected and playing safely, sanely and consensually.
While this is important for the s-type (Remembering safe words and knowing their own limits as well as that of their D-type). it is especially important for the D-type, as they are the ones (usually) in control of the outcome of a scene. During play, any number of small disturbances can completely interrupt their train of thought and in turn, the scene they are negotiating. To combat this, in public spaces, there are normally several rules set in place to protect the D-type and s-type. It is important for cheeky s-type’s to remember that their silly comebacks, and squabbles (While innocent enough, and definitely not in the wrong at all for doing so. ;p), can inadvertently break a D-types concentration by talking back or being ‘silly’ during play. Which could not only put themselves in more danger but also the D-type.
: It emotionally places blockades between the fragile relationship of a D-type and s-type.
Most D/s relationships are based on a strong emotional connection. With that connection (Be it love, or a strong mutual respect for one another), comes trust and a willing to give themselves fully to the other/s involved in that dynamic. This delicate balance between D-type and s-type can place both/all parties involved in a very vulnerable situation. Putting blockades between this fine connections can be detrimental for the evolution of the D/s dynamic, and talking back during a scene, or even in everyday discourse can put dents in further progress for the dynamic. Which, in turn, could serve to damage the emotional connection between the parties.
: It potentially can ruin the reputation of the D-type, should anyone decide that the behaviour of the s-type is “doing it wrong”.
Finally, during private play, one’s reputation isn’t really at risk, other than from the parties involved. Though, if bad habits are able to grow and install themselves into a dynamic, it could seriously hurt the reputation of the parties involved if it were to be witnessed in public.
While we’d hate to think of our small scene as judgemental, the reality is, that it is. Well respected and admired people in the BDSM scene have been mocked and/or chastised because of the behaviour of their s-type. The mentality of ‘the one true way’, while wrong, is greatly believed. An s-type that brushes against this fallacy could be seen as disrespectful and rude, not only to their D-type but also to the delicate sensibilities of the other people around them. To save reputations and the need to defend oneself, chat back and snippiness should be kept where it belongs. (Women! Know your limits!)
Ultimately, based on the above arguments, it is safe to say that breeding bad habits in the way of back chat is, in the end, only going to have negative consequences. While seen as fun and innocent during play, the repercussions of the act far outweigh any positive returns an s-type may have immediately.