It seems like whenever I get to a cruising point in my life, I manage to find something landing in my path that takes me on a new journey. I’m doing it again.
This year I have been “unemployed” but working on many personal projects including starting my own business in Photography and Content Design. When I became unemployed in December last year I was heartbroken and distraught at trying to rediscover my place back at home. It took a few months for me to get back into a routine and figure out the energy and drive to do what I love.
I know that over the last 6 months I’ve said things like:
I never want to go back to work again
I like my day to day freedom
I can watch TV all day if I want. It’s great.
I want to work on my OWN dreams, not someone else’s.
But here are the things only my Husband heard me say:
I feel lonely
I feel anxious
I don’t want to go anywhere today
I’m so isolated
I don’t have the energy for people
I don’t dooooo anything
I’m not naturally good at socialising or people in general when I don’t regularly practice being that way. The first few months of transitioning into home/ work from home suited my introvert perfectly, and I realised that I need to take better self-care when working to have time off for myself and family when I need it.
“Time for me” is not a luxury it’s a necessity. But with no day to day obligations I have begun squandering my time and being at either end of the spectrum of:
REALLY REALLY RICIDULOUSLY BUSY or really really ridiculously lazy.
Causing me to feel burnt out even when I’m doing sweet fuck all.
I didn’t even realise how much I like people until I stopped seeing a whole bunch of them! Weird, right??
Like I said, things land in my path and I jump aboard the train to see where it’s going and if I don’t like it, I hop off. And most of the time I don’t actively put myself out there looking for trains. – Something that I have been working on, though.
So, because I’m awesome and have a specific skillset that makes me even more awesome (and because I’m choosing to believe that over the concept that I’m “just lucky”) I was offered a position doing very much what I was doing at LT’s. Except I’ll be doing it without the negativity, drama, hassle and crap. (HuzzaH) Even on a bad day at LT’s there were still things I loved about it, otherwise I wouldn’t have been there for 3 years doing it. I loved my job, I just grew to despise who and what I was doing it for and the conditions I was doing it in.
Now, I wasn’t sure about doing it because of the aforementioned things I think I love about working from home for myself, and if it had been a job anywhere else, with anyone else, doing anything else….I would not have taken it. NOPE. But I love working in the Sex Industry and most of the work I do now overlaps so much. It’s not even a hard stretch.
I still intend to continue all the other things I’m doing and working on and I think I have a far better understanding of how to balance it together because I’m choosing what enriches my life and makes it better. I know how to pick and choose things for my life much better than I used to be able to.
I’m looking forward to routine, motivation, challenge, opportunities and PEOPLE!!! These are my rewards for doing what I love and doing it well.
Also, I like the opportunities I receive and can provide my family from having a stable income. Not going to lie: I love money. And I don’t mean that in the sense I want a big fucking boat and diamonds and totally luxury lifestyle. But being able to pay the bills without using my credit card would be nice. And being able to send my kids to school wearing shoes that are not fucking talking to them is bloody awesome.
So…that’s my news. I got a job!