There I was sitting poised waiting for his words. My own thoughts drumming quietly as I reflected on what I needed to know, needed to ask and how to effectively communicate without letting sexual frustration tamper with my responsibility. So much self-doubt here and concern for my perceived lack of experience in what it was we were playing at. I deeply wanted to unravel myself with his guiding hand. But what if I was a fraud? What if what I thought I wanted was only meant to be a fantasy? The last few months had been proper in the gentlemanly ways he courted me, never going to far or pushing to hard. That was frustrating and purposeful on his part and I wondered why the patience? What drove him to be patient with me? We’d gotten to know each other on a platonic level as we flirted to provoke something deeper, exploring lustful thoughts. Following my line of thinking I considered all the possibilities as I had done leading up to today. Ben had a very organic way of commanding me that I responded to with keen enthusiasm and sometimes daring challenge. I could only hope that my affinity for challenging him was something he admired in our interaction and not something he had felt threatened by. By no means, did I want to be baby sitting another persons feelings by suppressing my natural instincts and personality. What was the pay off here?
It would be my 20th birthday in a few months. Graduating high school was a messy affair, along with moving out of home. With the best intentions I’d moved in with my now ex, who after a three months I realised was not right for me, resulting in a break up. Much to my parents disgust he was 10 years older than me for which they deeply disapproved of. When we broke up, he moved over east, leaving me the apartment which I was happy to live in and pay rent for. I’d stayed single because it seemed much easier not to complicate my life while I was trying to figure things out. Aidan was a diplomatically organised person, but had no real interest in anything but his work. I found it annoying to be left to entertain myself and I guess I’d hoped that someone older, who had their shit together would in fact have their shit together. When I began dating Ben I had been single for 4 months and hesitant at first. I could see that he was happy cruising along, with no real defined parameters which made it easy to cruise along with him. Of course, I had a good idea about some of his interests, most of which he was happy to talk about. Ben treated me respectfully and I knew what his expectations and standards were. None of them I found difficult to grasp as they very much aligned with the same courtesies, manners and etiquettes that I appreciated.
“We’ve been seeing each other for a few months and I know we’ve talked about ideas, limits and BDSM topics,” I watched on intently as he spoke from my place on the cushion, his face as smooth as his words. “You’ve been doing your own reading and being that it’s been quiet here in Perth there hasn’t been much we’ve had to go to for the moment. I have been quite deliberate to take things slow here,” He tilted his head as he spoke, keeping his eyes on mine before offering a wink, “In case you didn’t notice. I have my reasons for doing that. For today at least, I’d like you to feel comfortable here, and safe. I’m not going to get into anything that we haven’t spoke about. At all. However, it’s my wish that if you want to stay that you put a bit of trust in my process and that you openly communicate, especially when I ask you to.”
Openly communicate. Pft, what could be so hard about that? Wouldn’t it have been more pertinent to tell me to just do as I am told? One step at a time I guess. Carefully I nodded, not sure if he was finished and folded my hands into my lap. He reclined into the couch, dragging his palms across his thighs and I wondered if they’d been damp from sweat. I knew that he was still watching me closely, my own expression remaining relaxed, save for the twitch in my mouth every so often as I considered his words. Being new to this, I wasn’t sure about all of my limits and pain wasn’t really something I’d spent a lot of time exploring. I’m actually kind of a sook. I did trust he had not bought me out here to murder me. Leah however, had made sure to turn on the Find My Phone app, requesting I check in with her by sending a selfie every few hours to make sure that I was still alive. Thats what best friends are for right? I got the impression that she did not ‘get’ this stuff. While I know she went to clubs and events all the time, it was usually more for the sake of going out than actual interest. She’d basically told me that I was loosing my mind, and I didn’t need some control freak bossing me around. After all, thats what I had her for. I was drawn to Ben because he was nothing like any body else I knew, or dated. There was a formality to him that made it easy to follow and a reservation that matched my own. He spoke to me in a way that kept me interested and made me want to listen, most of the time. I was electrically, intellectually and erotically attracted to Ben. For now, that was worth exploring.
“OK,” I smiled. “I can try my best. I want to be here, with you. I want to see what this is with you.” I lift up onto my knees and place my hands on his thighs leaning in. The crimson robe silkily slips around over my skin as I move and secretly wish it was his hands. He’s looking at me sternly, but I stay my ground. I seem to make two steps forwards and one back when it comes to him.
“What do you want from me?” My words purr out of my mouth, in an attempt to get some answers of my own. I can feel him twitching under my palms but he hasn’t shrugged me off or started eating my hands so I continue to lean there.
“Peyton, sit down. I’m trying to have a serious discussion. I need to know you’re actually hearing me.” I can’t help but pout and plop myself back onto my feet roughly, leaving my hands atop his knees. “I want you to wear this collar today, it’s only for today while we are here. It’s a play collar, and does not have any conditions attached to it, outside of when you might wear it. For today, when you wear it you will listen and follow my instructions. You can choose to take it off at any point by indicating “red” which will stop what we are doing. This is a safety precaution for us both. Trust goes both ways here, and I need to know I can trust you to not go to far, take more that you are capable of and that you will listen. I know this sounds boring and serious, but I promise it will be fun.” I sensed he could feel my eyes burning him, still slightly pouting my from my perch.
“My knees hurt a little, I need to change position.” I wriggled at him. He used both hands and gathered me up under my shoulders, standing me up with him. “Why have you waited to do this with me? Is it because you don’t trust me?”
“I didn’t know you well enough, no. The last time I bought someone up here, I had not spent the time getting to know them as I have you. Nothing went wrong, we just were not a value match. I really hate being wrong.” And with that he gave me a little slap on my backside which made me giggle. Ben’s face was fully of jovial expression, and I adore seeing him like this.
“Do you expect me to do absolutely everything you tell me to,” I pried, knowing that I had to ask this questions now, while I had the opportunity.
“I expect there might be things you struggle with, and I absolutely expect you to tell me when and if that happens.” I couldn’t help but attempt to nuzzle into him again, helping myself to his scent. Delightfully, he let me, which made me swoon and sway. “Peyton, obedience is nice…But it’s not everything. I want you to listen and follow instructions organically, not as if I put a robot chip in you and created a step-ford wife. If you can’t do something, I want to know why. I want to know what barriers you have, and what resistance you hold. Doing this only works if you enjoy doing it, and do not resent it. Do you understand?”
“Yep,” I cooed, melting into his body on the Border of sleepy.
“Good stuff!” He answered, grabbing by arms and pulling them roughly behind my back so he could spin me to face away from him. My feet fumbled into position but he held me steadily from falling. “Is there anything else you want to ask right now?”
“Not that I can think of…” I strained in my voice, wincing a little at the tight grip he had on my twisted hands. Ben pushed me down onto the cushion and wrapped his hand onto my ponytail, grabbing deeply at the root of it. Bliss. I felt his body fall back into the couch behind me and heard the sound of the “O” ring jingling against the metal fixtures of the collar as he retrieved it from the couch. When he released his grip on me my head fell forward gently. His hands disappear from me entirely to unclasp the buckle of the collar. I can feel my breath becoming heavy and slow as I wait there for what seems like a long minute. I gasp as his left hand wraps roughly around my neck, massaging deeply with his fingers kneading at my throat. My whole body shivers with a chill under his touch from the excitement.
“Peyton, will you wear this collar today accepting what we have spoke about? Do you accept that you are responsible for your choices and for your own communication?” I could feel his mouth close to my hear, breathing and speaking authoritatively.
“Yes, Ben.” I replied, wanting badly to reach up and touch his hand on my throat but instead left my hands dangling loosely at my sides. Ben loosened his hold from around my neck and replaced them with the soft inlay of the leather collar. There was a gentle pause, as he nudged my head to lean forward, allowing him to pull the strap through and set the buckle. Once on, I reached up to feel it there. The leather on the outside was stiff and I could smell it’s newness. I fidgeted the “O” on the front and smiled softly to myself. I’d seen a few collars on others at the BDSM party where we had first met, in many different styles, some of which were simple or incredibly breath-taking. It didn’t instantly change me, hypnotise me or turn me into a gooey mess. I’ve heard that story before. However, it did feel loaded, benevolent and comfortable in all the right ways.
He tugged at my hair and instructed me to get up, for which I was grateful because my knees we jamming up again. I stretched my body and followed Ben into the kitchen, almost skipping behind him. He stopped abruptly and I rammed into the back of him causing me to loose my balance and jab my hip into the corner of the bench.
“Fucking OW!” I squealed, grabbing at my side. The corner of the tiled bench completely unaffected, of course. Ben spun around giving me knowing smile.
“Do you know how many times I’ve done that myself? You need to watch out for the furniture in here, it’s ruthless.” He smirked ear to ear at me, watching me writhe and rub at my body. He prepared lunch for us then made sure that I ate everything on my plate. I’m not going to say I was surprised, but definitely charmed by his efforts. Ben served up a fresh spinach salad with parsley, tomato and cucumber loaded with a perfectly panfried salmon fillet. I couldn’t help but smile the whole way through watching him cook it up as he seemed to dance as he moved through the kitchen. He had asked me to set the table, pointing out the places I would find what I needed. Not remembering the last time I’d actually eaten at a table that was set, I hoped that I’d done it the way that he would like. I shrugged to myself, placing the knives and forks together on the right side of each plate, with plain kitchen glasses casually put on the table next to the jug of water. Meh? Ben walked over and placed the salad bowl down with the pan of fish. He looked at me with mild amusement.
“Um, here, let me show you.” Meticulously, he took the knives and forks, splitting them up to the “correct” sides of each plate, but not before fetching a set of wicker place mats to put under neath the food. “Do it like this,” I smirked watching his careful tastes for casual dining and relaxed my shoulders as I sat into my seat, wondering if he thought I must have been raised in a barn.
“Meals are a sacred time Peyton. I like to dine respectfully.” His eyes glimmer at me, half serious and half jesting. I press my mouth closed and nod waiting for him to begin eating. After lunch, Ben excused himself to retrieve our things from the car. I was thankful, taking myself off the bathroom to brush my teeth and splash cool water over my face. When I returned I found him finishing drying his hands and leaned into wall to watch. I could watch him all day. His inquisitive expression was comical when he finally looked up catching me in my voyeurism. It made my face flush a little and I self consciously tinkered with the length of cord around my waist. The security of it concealing me and I glanced down averting his glaze.
“So, what to do…” I offered lightly, smirking as he wondered over to stand a few feet in front of me. Standing there he hooked his hands together and continued to watch me, his legs planted in a firm stance. I looked up twisting my mouth and raising my brows letting the cord fall away from my fidgeting fingers.
“Get changed, we’ll go for a walk.” He instructed. I turned and wiggled my way down the hallway.
The property where the house was seemed alone but peaceful. I couldn’t see any neighbours or other houses close by. I wondered what it must have been like to grow up out here, away from the traffic and hustle. Nice for holidays I guess, but this much peace and quiet too often would send me deaf. I need the distraction and stimulus of the city to fuel me. Walking beside him like this felt different to our drive up here. Especially since he had more free rein to stare right at me, grab me or attack me with various body parts. Most of which I hoped he would. Instead he led me down to a small creek down behind the old seeming country house. The creek water trickled slowly and was littered with rocks and branches all around that were covered in moss and lichen. Ben offered me his hand and stepped up onto the branch that hand fallen across to the other side. I examined that it was a thick round of trunk, and steadily took his hand to follow. Step by step we inched across until he stopped right in the middle, turning around to face me. I grabbed onto him tightly, wrapping my arms around to clutch the shirt on his back.
“Kiss me.” A simple request in a rumbled, murmured tone. Amorous, I obliged. Lifting my mouth to his and stricken by a jolt of memory of his breath in my mouth earlier on the drive way, I pressed my lips forcibly. With eager intentions I gripped my hands tighter, digging my fingertips into the mounds of muscle that rippled under his shirt. Ben kissed me back, opening my mouth with his tongue, treating me to heat there. I whimpered softly as his hand pressed into my hip, alerting me to the plumping bruise growing as a result of my encounter with the kitchen bench. Lip locked, I felt him smirk in my kiss and knew he’d purposely inflicted the reminder. The sheer floaty material of my dress did nothing to block the heat from his touch, and I welcomed the blaze that it afforded me. I pressed my body into his, forgetting my footing and where I was. His feet shifted for balance as his hands fell down my thighs to lift the material of my dress. For an instant, I thought maybe he was going to tackle my underwear but instead his hands encaged the flesh of my ass as he pulled me up. Ben’s arms lifting my weight from the stability of the trunk, wrapping my legs around him tightly. I squeezed every muscle I could, holding on for dear life panicking to steady myself in his arms.
“Let go,” words whispered into my breath, urging me to release my arms completely. I hesitated letting my eyes peep open gently. “Do it.” His mouth left mine, scouring his tongue down the line of my neck. Satisfied, I dropped my hands and let him hold me midst the air of autumn trees and soft dappled sunlight. He nibbled sharply, stinging with each pinch of his teeth on my neck and shoulder. I whimpered more, wistful to have my hands on his skin. Ben dug his hand into my backside roughly, pulling friction across the flesh there. I embarrassingly felt the damp growing between my legs from all the sensations and was relieved when he lowered me down, my feet finding their ground. His trickster eyes daring at me as I glanced back at him. I wanted to punch him for scaring me, but I was clouded by the residual energy that still lingered, letting out a long sigh instead.
“Did you think I would drop you?” His grin plastered smugly on his face as he poked my ribs.
“Well, yeah actually, and what if you had?”
“But I didn’t, did I?”
“But what if you had!?” I poked back, trying not to laugh at his silly face. He placed his hands atop my shoulders and stared down at me.
“But I didn’t.” Then, in a very unexpected turn of events, his tongue snapped out and licked my cheek. My reflex sent me stammering backwards with one foot slipping to the edge of where I was. Hands flailed in the air catching on to nothing. His grip roughly caught me, saving me from falling off.
“See, you are much more dangerous to yourself.” Ben chuckled at me, side stepping around me in swift agility, perfect balance. Off he wondered back to the house.
“Oh…Fuck you….Smart ass.” I hollered, laughing back at him as I started in the same direction.
He quirked over his shoulder at my remark, but kept walking casually. I dragged myself up the way, jogging slightly to catch up. Approaching closer I deliberately bump my body into his pushing him off course just a bit. I giggle in my triumph and jog on towards the house not looking back. A few metres on, I catch the sound of heavy thudding and turn in time to have him push his body into mine. Heavy and full of force, his weight pushes me into his hold and then to the ground. It’s rough, grassy and my bare legs feel scratched and grazed as we both tumble to onto the floor. Recklessly, I had not anticipated a full tackle and I was breathlessly caught unaware. He rolls to hold prime position above me, wedging my hands hard and pinning them by my waist. It hurts well and I struggle persistently into the makeshift binds there. Fighting and snapping, squirming and failing, his weight holds me in place.
“Silly girl. Aren’t you?” He roars laughter at me, leaning over and blowing air in my face.
“GAH, STOP IT!” My words a breathy chortle.
“You started it Peyton. Get yourself under control, eh?” His body grinding in to me from above, just fractionally in a way I don’t know is deliberate. I lift my hips up at him to investigate, but he sleuths my intention and squeezes down harder. Ben lowered his face to mine, releasing one of my hands so his is free to grope up my body until he firmly squeezes at my neck. With the one hand free, I don’t even bother now. I’m exactly, irrevocably where I want to be. I go limp letting his body get heavier as his lips fall to meet mine. He doesn’t kiss me, just drags his tongue across my mouth and releases his hand from my neck. I’m twisting on the inside, blissing in the dirt under his frame. I lick back softly, sending my tongue out to find his, gesturing to him that I’m still here.
“Let’s get you up,” Ben relieves me of his weight, pulling me up into a sitting position. I sit quietly, watching him preen my body, legs and hands for the scrapes and cuts. I smile at him, wondering how many bruises I’ll be needing to cover after today and lift my hand to his face.
“I’m OK. Promise. Not injured, not broken.” I sweetly offer, lightly sarcastic, “Not yet anyways.” He smiles back at me and nuzzles at my hand on his face before helping me up completely.
Mildly aching, we walk the rest of the way back to the house together in a temporary truce.
“I’m surprised you’ve not caved yet. Hmm?” He enquired, gently nudging me with his elbow. “You’re tightly guarding your words, I almost thought you’d save me back there.” I frowned twisting at his remark as he spoke.
“Well, I almost thought you’d save me from having to beg.” I jeered.
“No, I told you honestly. I won’t take you until you say the words, begging me. But don’t worry there is still time.” Ben mused at me with a twisted grin.
“When did you expect to take me home then? You never told me what it would depend on?” I asked quietly, not wanting to leave at all.
“If you want to stay thats entirely up to you. Depends on you being willing to stay.”
“And what do you want?” My reply pressing for information. He laughed, looking up into the afternoon sky and if I didn’t know any better I’d think it was him hiding his face from me. “What?? What is so funny?”
“You. Delectably so.” He responded in vague charm. Placing himself in my way and walking backwards, he held and arm out to pause us. He dropped his hand, not touching me at all letting his stern gaze lower to mine. “I won’t tell you to stay, Peyton. Though I want you to, and if thats not obvious…” His words softly trailed off.
“I want to stay!” I blurted. “Please, I really want to stay.” My awkward omission stammered out causing my arms to flail about a little excitedly and all I can catch is my self, cringing internally. Satisfied and with a eased expression he moves to let us continue, not saying a word.
I enter the house again, reeling in my thoughts. Ben goes to sit in his place on the couch, and asks me to bring him the jug of water and two glasses. Thirsty, I obey willingly and meet him there. I kneel down into the cushion and pour the two glasses, passing one to him. Before I even get the change to pick mine up, he tells me to stop. My first thought here was he was preventing my hydration, and I hoped I was just delirious. However, bringing the glass I’d just passed him, he places the lip of the cup to my mouth waiting for me to drink from it. It’s an odd experience, to have someone want you to drink while they hold your cup. I carefully eye him from the side, sipping slowly as he tilts the cup up giving me more. Some water escapes from the sides and trickles down my chin and then my neck. It cools and soothes me in places I weren’t aware needed cooling. Ben takes the cup back, licking his lips before taking whatever is left and passing it to me when empty. I refill it for him, but he shakes his head and draws his breath.
“Remove your clothes.”
Gah, his ordering tone cuts into me, feeling out the insecurity and anxiety as it stirred and turned over my resistance from earlier. I blink, slinking subtly but holding his glance. Ben’s face is tensely waiting for a reaction and I fight not to give him one. Instead, my hands lift to my sides, grasping the crumpled fabric of my dress. I massage it between my fingers, watching him as his gaze leaves mine following the actions of my hands. In this way, I find his expression telling. I can see he wants control here, but there’s his own internal struggle to control himself. His brows twist, constricting as he holds back, releasing a twitch in his mouth that is almost undetectable. I’m push up on my knees in front of him, pulling my dress slowly up revealing the speckled view of my thighs, hips, stomach and chest. I twist the unwanted garment off my head, tossing it to the side and slip off my boots and socks. I’m smiling at him, feeling like I won. He pulls his hands above his head, resting them there.
“All of your clothes.” I double blink as the smile washes from my face. Squinting at his smirky expression I really want to punch his cocky chops. There is particular unjustness in me revealing my body, while he sits perfectly and fully clothed. I let out a sigh, warning him of my plight. I can feel my fingers beginning to waiver, shaking in their path as I slip the straps of my bra down. I can feel his eyes moving over me, but it’s me now, who can’t bare to watch. I pretend to look over my shoulder, as I fiddle with the clasp the bra. I’m silently aware of my labouring breath, building with anxiety. The elastic releases open and pings free as I catch to hold it fixed on my body now by only my forearms. Taking a chance, I peer my eyes at him. Lifting them up, dragging my lashes with a deep breath.
“Do you have to watch so intensely?” I mutter. Ben snaps up from his reclined position, sitting now on the edge of the couch. Closer. “Fuck.” I mutter some more.
“Pardon me?” His tone queries me in a sarcastic way. I giggle.
“Fuck.” I make sure to annunciate each letter, letting him know I’m clever as I smooth the bra away from my skin and dangle it over his lap. He swiftly grabs at my mouth, pulling my body closer to him. I’m exposed but he’s not looking at me “there” at all. Ben squeezes my face with one hand and rips the hair elastic from my head. It fucking hurts and I snap at him with my fingers. He lets me go, settling back into his comfy position as my auburn locks fall over my body coming to wisp and lay delicately across the pale and freckle landscape of my skin. My modest breasts completely available for him to hash in thought. I’m livered, wired and aware of his smile and jam my thumbs into my underwear. I’m keenly done with these games, and violently roll them off my body and then kick them aside.