Sex is unfailingly been the next step when a kiss refused to remain only a kiss. I’d had a two serious boyfriends and at no point in any of my sexual encounters had I ever had to ask, let alone beg. Some of my experiences had very much been run-of-the-mill. I’d always wanted more but didn’t know how to ask with fear and doubt playing in the back of my mind. I tried to imagine begging for sex now and pictured kneeling at the edge of my bed naked, playing with myself while Ben watched on with serious eyes.

“Oh okay, you’re playing hard to get?” I murmured with a slight jest distracted by my imagination.
“No, I want to hear you say the words.”
“Now?” My fingers danced the naked skin atop my thigh swirling and flicking so it stung. I glanced up to the clock by my T.V. to see it turn over to 11.15pm and frowned knowing I’d have to go to bed soon.
“I can’t come fuck you now Peyton, if that’s what you’re suggesting. We have to go to work in the morning.” his voice still smirking.
“I’ll go have a shower and go to bed. To sleep.” I pouted.
“Goodnight Peyton,”
“Night Ben.”

I woke that Thursday morning to sun glaring in at me from the window. I squinted through the flickering of my eyes and rolled onto my side reaching for my phone to check the time to see I had a message.

Good Morning Peyton. Looking forward to seeing you this weekend ;)-

It seemed like it would to be a long time between now and Saturday. I fumbled getting out of bed typing a reply as I found my feet.

– Morning, I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait 😛 –

Since Leah had taken me to the BDSM party, I had checked out blogs, articles, websites and looking at different books to add to my reading list. I’d developed a more reasonable understanding of what fetishes were and how different relationships had rules, expectations and dynamics. All of this was intriguing but easy to get lost in the giant pool of information and differences of opinion. I figure with time I’ll be able to find my own sense of understanding.

I wasn’t nervous on our first date until my eyes met his as I was getting out of the elevator in my apartment lobby. He was standing on the other side of the glass doors just outside, dressed head to toe in black. He looked smooth, and neat but relaxed and confident. I’d chosen a floaty floor length summer dress with a sheer shrug, a semi-casual choice for the summer evening. I had flying assumptions take over my brain, wondering if he thought I would get kinky on the first date. It was a major relief when he suggested we go to a tapas place for dinner where I’d been before. I went there often and it served great food with a chilled-out atmosphere where we could chat without having to yell. We’d talked about all the boring things first like work, study, and weekends. Ben worked in Graphic Design and Marketing which surprised me because he looked too serious to be creative. The night and conversation only got more colourful as it went on, somehow ending up with me committing word vomit.

“So, are you trying to find a submissive or a Mistress?” Yes, because I’m that eloquent.
“Um, that’s not usually something I discuss on first dates.” He almost looked shocked that I asked.
I stammered an apology and tried to move the subject away while blushing in my faux par, but he used my awkwardness to his advantage.
“Well, it might be more appropriate for me to ask you Peyton, what are you looking for?” His smiling eyes drilled me.
“I’m just looking”
We talked that night, discussing fantasies for out door play ideas, primal urges, and other topics which stirred the wild in me. Ben was gentleman like, walking me back to my apartment and watching me walk inside, safely to my elevator. He didn’t touch me once throughout dinner, the discussion or the walk, but before I slipped away, he looked at me with soft caution.
“May I give you a kiss goodnight,” I nodded out a yes. He lifted one hand to my face and held my cheek so he could kiss my mouth. I found his lead easy to follow and leaned into his kiss with quiet confidence. His lips touched mine gently but there was a moment when I felt his hand on my face grip a little tighter. I realised later that evening that he never answered my question. Though I did suspect that he wasn’t looking for someone to boss him around or take control. As far as first dates go, I was sure enough that we’d see each other again.

***

I spent the rest of Thursday trying to keep my head down at work and then went home to study. It was difficult to focus on the screen of my computer, trying to read the words and actually absorb them. My eyes kept leaping around, my lids occasionally shutting to see if I could relax but it didn’t seem to work. I reached across the table and fumbled my phone in my hands. No messages. I figured Ben would still be at work and decided not to give in to the temptation of contacting him. I took my phone to the bedroom and tossed it on my bed from the doorway and slowly turned my back and dragged my feet back to reading.

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