Perfect timing as I stumbled across this question about how rules affect the submissive mindset, I’d been pondering the last few weeks myself.
We don’t really have a lot of rules. I like to joke it’s because I’m perfect and always behave so well that I don’t need any! (What a laugh, right?) But then about 3 weeks ago, M announces that he has decided to enforce computer curfew.
That probably doesn’t seem like a big deal. People in power exchange dynamics have rules and transference of authority and expectations…. even bedtime rules. My mind did backflips in heavy resistance. Heavy resistance. I was absolutely dumbfounded (and a little excited) that he’s out of the blue enforcing a rule, especially something as silly as cutting off my computer time. At first I thought he was just kidding, but he’s not usually that funny.
Even though I haven’t been ruled by rules in my power exchange dynamic, does not mean that I am not expected to do things, have protocols etc, I just don’t think I ever really viewed them as being rules. They are just the things I don’t do. For example: Don’t get drunk and come home and make a racket trying to get your key in the door. I wouldn’t call it a rule per say, but I know for sure if I do that, there will be zero sympathy while I’m vomiting a hangover the next day. (Also I’ve got bucklies trying to get out the house again for quite some time.)
Having a rule which forces me to regulate and discipline my computer time is a real bitch. I hate that I love it so much and he gets to gloat over me. What has made it more traumatising is that the first week the curfew was 10:30pm, 2nd week was 10pm and the third he moved it to 9pm. What the actual fuck?
But I realised something extremely annoying about this rule. It helps me. Yes, that’s right. It helps me. (You can imagine me saying that last part in a childish grimace if you like, because I totally said it that way in my head, and possibly out loud to him when he asked me how I was going…assbutt)
I have found that having a cut of time from my computer forces me to slow down and stop working. Without regulating how I manage my time, I don’t manage my time. I do all the things, all the time until I pass out. Writing, work, editing, studying, assignments, graphic projects, a hell of a lot of what I do is on my computer. I just don’t usually stop, or I am multitasking so much when I have nothing to do I can’t sit still.
So it strikes me very frustrated to have to admit that since I have been abiding his “rule”, I have been:
- getting more sleep
- out putting work at a fast rate
- spending time in nature
- having more conversations with him
- snuggling everyone more
- not being a grumpy bitch
I’m also frustrated because him putting in this kind of active dominance kind of makes me want to jump him, in a sexy way.