I don’t know if I can remember all the things I said I’d never do, never feel or ever ever be, but I know there is quite a few of them. My submission is made up of many layers which have made leaps and bounds as well as brutal plummeting drives. The last few months have really tested me as I journeyed to work on self empowerment and confidence. One of the misnomers about power exchange relationships that I know I got force fed by other people, blogs, forums and opinions is that s-types need to be sheltered, restricted and placed inside some form of isolation chamber until they were wonderfully obedient.
Yep, that’s right it’s a misnomer. It stood out for me instantly that M’s approach in life was different to anybody I have ever known. In relationships where I was used to having controlling partners, friends or family members he was not so obvious about those things. In truth, he is not domineering he is dominant. M is impossible in wavering from his methods, or at least giving me a handbook to understand them, but what I do know is that they work.
My submission is rich, with many facets, character, intelligence and wit to boot! It is that way because I have never really had much restriction or sheltering from experiencing life as I have been inspired to. I guess what I am trying to say is that he isn’t insecure about me experiencing life. The thought of me growing and developing has never made him worried that I would grow to big and burst the ceiling. (If anything I have been insecure to grow and he has methodically found ways to “make” me)
After 8 years, I have evolved into submission from being a whirlwind, highly emotional and sometimes irrational young lady (and I still have a lot of spunk). M has fostered a lot of patience and long term investment as have I into our relationship. I went into my study of BDSM shouting black and blue that I would never be a slave, or want to be. I had a long list of “never” that gets smaller every year and by the same token my understanding of how submission works for me, gets deeper. I go deeper, delving in to the sometimes fantastically dark places to come out with new and exciting perspectives.