So I’m lost.

Essentially looking for a way to make ends meet. I’m right where people my age should be. In Debt! Except I haven’t really got a way out of the problems I am facing other than to slog it out with the rest of Perth, desperately seeking employment in the midst of the financial crisis.

I’m half way motivating, sulking and looping around in self sabotaging behaviours as I examine what I need to survive and how things got so fucked up. Truth is, I don’t know what I can do. I don’t know how to market myself because I don’t really think I’m necessary. I know how to help other people market? I can do some technical stuff? Sometimes I make good coffee? I know how to clean the shit out of my house?

Realistically even with my resume done, I look at it and all I see is Sex Industry Receptionist and I just don’t think anyone will take me seriously, let alone give me a chance.

I really wish I’d done better in school. 

I really wish I had something under my belt that was more tangible. 

I really wish I didn’t feel so useless. 

Right now I plan to sell as much of my crap as I can get away with. Keep doing random online tasks, maybe sign up for some survey sites, and apply for jobs, and keep applying until someone breaks and gives me a go.

I also have my Diploma to try and focus on, which hopefully will help distract me and lead to an opportunity at some point.

I just don’t know. 

I feel sad. I feel lost. 

I am full of panic and cloudiness as I watch with concern my mind spiralling to no where.

I’m no where near ready or capable to do life. Just Nope.

 

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