I’ve been attempting to figure out how my own personal growth is changing the perceptions I’d accustomed myself to in my relationship with regards to Dominance, Power Exchange, Submission and Pain Play.
I enjoy being able to offer a premium and deluxe experience in home making for my Husband and family. I have usually made an exceptional effort to maintain a beautiful and orderly home as it give me a sense of achievement and peace. I maintain that motivation by seeking new and improved ways to provide Domestic Service as a way for me to express my connectedness and commitment to being his wife.
I provide Domestic Service in areas in such a way that I liken it to being a Personal Assistant, Accountant, Chief, Cleaner and many other titles. The efficiency of how our lives run smoothly I take as a reflection of those things that I do as a service which is why when things go off the plan, it creates momentary chaos.
Exceptional attention to detail and dedication to keeping a clean and orderly home is how I had always kept my end of the bargain, as he went to work. I don’t believe that he should have been coming home from work to mess, and I would never ask him to do the jobs for me that I had all day to get done. I really thrive in an orderly home that I can appreciate.
When I started working, pieces of this changed for me and it became more and more impossible! I needed to learn the art of delegating within the home but I hated the idea of things becoming chaos, overwhelming and unmanageable. I have often needed to recruit the help of my mum to come do ruthless culling and sorting out of the things that burdened me in the home.
I often wonder whether all those years ago that M asked me to stop being a control freak cleaning woman, if that wasn’t the start of the demise. He had said at that point that he didn’t want a home that was always so clean it didn’t feel like you would be able to relax in it. He didn’t want a home that the children didn’t care for themselves because it was always presumed to be cleaned.
At the time that he had said this I really was able to see it from his point of view. But years down the track I’m struggling to see how he was right. Don’t get me wrong, I still clean and tidy everything, but not to within an inch of its life and the kids all have assigned jobs which depending who is on “parenting shift” depends on how the job gets done.
I generally see that me not being able to keep home the way I thought a home should be kept has meant it was easier for it to slip so very very far from what I deem as comfortable mess and just plain messy. My Domestic Service in my relationship was a taboo topic because it feels as though I wasn’t allowed to excel in it when it’s sometimes thing I know I can do very well. I did it for years before starting work outside the home and it was my way of showing appreciation. Something I have learned recently is that one of the reasons I drove myself to excel in home making was that it played into the concept that it was “all I could do”.
So as I have made my way through the minefield of realising that I can do more, and I do so very enthusiastically, being pinned into Domestic Service doesn’t fit me the same way. I conceded to let go of keeping a home the way I wanted because he didn’t enjoy it. This made me lazy, complacent and grumpy at the lack of fluidity in the home which piles up and guess who is the lucky fucker that has to clean it up in the end? That’s right! Me!
So for the past seven years I have been creating more work for myself by trying to adhere to the ideals he wanted and now I can’t do it any more.
I’m reclaiming Domestic Service in my home as my pleasure and something that makes my life easier.